this is the soberest i've been in months
if not years
everything has this hard edge to it
i don't remember how to interface w/ this reality
i feel really fucken uncomfortable
holy chao
today didn't suck
that's awesome
my doctor seems to have good days and bad days;
certainly her bad days seem to coincide with
the days i am less willing to lay back and comply
with whatever she prescribes me
(be it drugs or actions)
she put me on some next drug
to deal with the nightmares
and inability to sleep;
apparently it disrupts norepinephrine and adrenaline channels
i'm supposed to take half a pill an hour before bed
it's non-addictive
seems legit
when i left i actually found myself
walking down the street and
smiling
not because of any direct stimulus
but just because i felt ok
then i realized i was doing it and it felt so alien i stopped :/
but hey it was nice for that short while
i don't remember the last time i was just generally happy
yesterday my supervisor from one of my jobs called me
to tell me my shift on tuesday was shortened
from 3-7:30 to 4:30-7:30
today i got a call from sherbourne
there was a cancellation for the psych
and i got bumped up the waiting list
for 2:30
on tuesday
universe
why how you do dis